Or 5.999… It’s equal to 6 but it appears to have a much more impressive decimal expansion

So “16.4 mph north” is sufficient.

No, it’s not. “North” is a two dimensional direction on the surface of the earth. But we live, and can throw babies, in three dimension. Therefore you need to specify the inclination as well. “56 furlongs per minute, north, 0.3 radians” would suffice.

Shouldn’t it say “I am a pedophile”, with his signature marking it a signed confession?

Besides, you’ll get the most one-sided story ever